Blood Cold by Dennis McDougal

Author:Dennis McDougal
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781504005968
Publisher: Open Road Media

20

By 1982, Robert Blake had spread enough hubris around Hollywood to guarantee that no studio, production house or network would touch him. On November 13 of that year, when he hosted Saturday Night Live, the writers spoofed Blake’s prickly persona in an opening sketch that featured Merv Griffin in a send-up of Griffin’s talk show.

“With us is one of your favorite stars,” Merv began. “He’s controversial, he’s exciting, he’s not afraid to speak his mind—and I can’t wait to hear what’s on his mind tonight! Would you welcome the Wild Man of Hollywood, Robert Blake!”

To wit, Robert immediately unloaded on Hollywood vacuity. “From now on, I don’t do anything unless it’s got meaning—and dat’s da name of dat tune,” he said.

As if offstage, SNL regulars Joe Piscopo and Julia Louis-Dreyfus watched Blake’s bathos on a TV monitor with undisguised contempt.

“It’s amazing he gets away with it,” said Louis-Dreyfus. “I mean, here’s a guy who grew up in Hollywood and yet he talks with this tough Brooklyn accent.”

“I’ll tell you, Julia, nobody buys it,” said Piscopo. “The guy’s like a professional BS artist.”

After Blake dumped some more on the “suits,” Louis-Dreyfus continued: “What a bag of wind.”

“I know!” said Piscopo. “A couple of years ago Blake was just like this washed-up actor. He goes on a bunch of talk shows, does the tough guy routine and gets a series.”

“Right. And did you ever notice Robert did a number of the Baretta episodes in drag? I mean, just think about it.”

“Yeah, I wonder what he was trying to tell us,” said Piscopo. “I know what he was trying to tell us: the guy’s a wussy! That’s what he was trying to tell us!”

At that moment Blake materialized beside Piscopo, flexing his biceps and demanding to know why they were making fun of him. Piscopo, himself a Jersey muscle man, got right back in Blake’s face.

“You don’t need us to make a fool out of you, Bob. You do a pretty good job yourself. Tough guy!”

“Oh? You don’t think I’m tough?” asked Blake. “You want me to show you how tough I am, you with your big mouth. You want me to show you? Watch this!”

With that, Blake punched Julia in the gut. As she gasped for breath, Blake continued addressing Joe. “Watch yourself, Piscopo, because you’re next!”

Joe turned to the camera and spoke soberly. “Ladies and gentlemen, what you’ve just seen is a trick ending. It’s called ‘breaking reality.’ Right now I’d like to introduce to you the Breaking Reality Players. Please welcome Robert Blake.”

“Thank you very much,” said Blake, who then thanked Merv and Julia.

“She had a small part, but it was a very important part,” said Blake. “Because while we are poking fun up here, we also wanted to make a point, a very serious and a very dramatic point about battered women. And if we here have stopped just one guy, just one of you Joes out there from gettin’ out of line, why, as artists I feel like we’ve all done our job.

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